Temperature: 40. Care Factor: Zero
The Sunday Age
Sunday January 6, 2008
DUSTIN HOFFMAN didn't really seem to care, and who could blame him. It was hot outside and it was nice and cool inside the cinema. Still, the woman who I took to be the mother of the loud boy who threw popcorn at people like confetti at a wedding thought that Dustin might care.
"Stop it . . . Troy, STOP!" The fact that she screamed must have made some dent in Troy's desire to share his popcorn."Yes, he is mad - now sit down, he's mad!" she pointed to Hoffman.Troy looked up in a considered way at Hoffman on the screen, thought about life and then threw some popcorn at him."Troy!"Nobody seemed to care really, least of all Hoffman, who hammed away merrily in a bizarre film about a toy shop. It was a family movie. That's why my daughter and I and two of her friends were there. Plus it was over 40 degrees outside. The film was secondary, everybody seemed to agree - even the actors. Led by Troy's example, a couple of people started making plans for New Year's Eve. "Well, why can't we just head off to Ocean Grove on New Year's Eve instead of Sunday?" asked the woman."Because Mum wants me to pick up Craig and the two cats," said the man. Hoffman laughed in a supposedly endearing way as Natalie Portman and her eye shadow stared back at a cute kid. A pause, then the woman behind spoke."Well, text her that Karen can pick up Craig and the cats.""Karen?" said the man"Yeah, Karen is going down that way, get her to do it. That woman is a midget." She was talking about Natalie Portman. The man agreed on both counts. "Karen. Good. She is tiny. She's a bit odd . . . like a science experiment."There was silence, then Troy started running up and down the aisle two rows down. It was that floating period between Christmas Day and New Year, when time seems to expand and the temperature seems to soar.It's holiday time, it's cool and dark in the cinema, and nobody really cares. You can tell that by the films people see. Usually they are unremitting tripe with no point at all.Trying to find one that a "family" can enjoy is another thing. Who decides what a family movie is? Some person in an office who thinks more people will pay for more family combos? A family movie seems to be a flick where only half the characters end up like chopped chicken livers and great paper buckets of popcorn are shovelled down throats. I dropped my sunglasses and got on my knees to find them. Under rows of comfy recliners was the trash and treasure of a day at the movies. I groped with my hand and felt dropped drinks, melted choc-tops and some gooey crap I didn't want to think too much about. I picked up my glasses and saw a lolly snake stuck on the lens. I held the snake up to the flickering light. It seemed to look at me.The man behind got a text."Karen can do Craig."Troy threw some more popcorn. Nobody cared, least of all me and Dustin. My daughter and her friends were laughing. Life doesn't get much better.William McInnes is a Melbourne actor and writer.
© 2008 The Sunday Age